don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
