Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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