Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
