Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
