I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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