Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
