Screwed.edu
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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