I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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