that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
