It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
