It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
