mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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