Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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