I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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