I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
