I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
