I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
