awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
