I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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