A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
