sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
