Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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