The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
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