You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
