I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
