i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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