Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish my penis had a tongue
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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