i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
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the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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