She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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