We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize