grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
