I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
