Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
