Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
