it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
