dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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