thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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