I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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