Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
