She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
