Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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