apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
