You just made me feel so damn special
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
tell me about the eggs
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
