She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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