im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
