her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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