you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
