there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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