i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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