Pappa wants mamma naked
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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