I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
