I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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