Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
