Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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