I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she smelled like a LAN party
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
