I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
