I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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