I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just had sex bonerless
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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