I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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