Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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