You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
