The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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