Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
