Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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