Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
