so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
