I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
