Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
