sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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