That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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