Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
