I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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