Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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