You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
